Therapy

Hello again.

It has been a very long week. With the move, sore back, therapy and doctor appointments it has been crazy. Work is very busy. I had a bunch of kids added to my case load which has not been helping the stress level. Running after kids, being hit/scratched...sure makes for a long day! I do love my job though, it can just be really intense. Had a kiddo and her Mom MIA for a while, which really worried me. Luckily we found them and they were OK.

Therapy has been intense lately. I think my therapist things all my issues are grief related. Any anxiety stems back to my grief. I'm not entirely sure about that, but maybe. She pushes me to move forward, not get stuck. I go back and forth between understanding the need to do so, and resisting/disagreeing with her. She is worried I am focused on physical things of Anas. I don't really see a problem with that. She is worried about Caden and how we focus on Ana with him. I don't really see issue with that either, at least right now. I also don't like how she uses the term moving on, she understands that I will never forget Ana but she seems to want me to kind of "down play" Ana I guess? Hard to describe. I think it's hard for her to put herself in my place, having never lost a child. She did tear up when she was telling me that Ana never knew fear, was always loved and cradled. Made me cry too. It's hard work, grief. I know I have stuffed some of it. I know I am still bitter, and want others to remember my pain. I guess it comes from wanting others to remember my daughter, but also realizing how hard it has been. I need that support and acknowledgment. Acknowledgement is important. Acknowledging her existence, and my pain.


Ok, that's all for right now, back to busy busy work. Hoping to enjoy some outside time this weekend.