Hello. I need a little journaling therapy!
A lot has been going on. My pregnancy is going fine, first of all. I am 17weeks 3 days pregnant, feeling baby kick :) It doesn't make me as anxious as I thought it would, but I'm not feeling strong kicks yet and once I do...well, not going to borrow trouble. I see my OB on Thurs and I'm hoping for an ultrasound and maybe finding out the gender! That would be great. If not we have our anatomy scan on Dec. 3rd. We will also be meeting with a specialist to discuss delivery options.
So. Not sure the last time I wrote...
My Mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We've known I think two months. It totally sucks. The tumor is large, and inoperable. It is terminal, all we can do is extend life by chemo/radiation. This is of course devastating news, and we all hope she will make it to meet our rainbow baby. She has undergone radiation and is undergoing chemo. It has been tough on her. She is very tired and needs help with daily living stuff.
On 11/6, I got a call that my grandfather had died. He was 87, and we were expecting it due to him having heart issues. It was of course sad, and I went down to my parents house (3 hours south of me). My Mom is not doing well, and was unable to travel and unable to be alone. So, since I was pregnant I elected to stay with Mom over the 12 hour car ride to Pennsylvania for the funeral. Mom wasn't looking good at all. Swollen legs, extreme fatigue, wasn't eating much and not peeing much. I took her to the doctor the next day due to her legs looking worse. She was then transported to the ER by an ambulance. She was admitted and spent a week at the hospital. Mom was sick, scared and did not want to be there. She thought it was the end. They discovered a large clot in her leg. Lots of tests and blood draws, and she was also dehydrated, anemic and low on potassium and magnesium. She also had a low red blood cell count. So, she got tons of fluids, blood thinners, antibiotics and a blood transfusion. She looked SO MUCH better. Her legs got better and her personality came back. I discharged her home, and that night we needed to go back because she got a nose bleed. Due to being on a blood thinner, we were told if she started to bleed we needed to get help ASAP. Luckily the bleeding stopped and we went home.
Since coming home, she is tired and a bit grumpy. She is also depressed (no doubt) and we've had a lot of conversations about this potentially being the last holiday she will be with us, not getting much time with the baby, and missing my sister's wedding and babies. It's so hard, and not fair. So, I was totally wiped out.
Aside from taking care of my Mom, I was taking care of a large house, wood stove and three animals. Traveling back and forth between the hospital, being emotional support for my Mom. I was exhausted, and still am. We came back late Thursday night and I worked half a day Friday, and am working today. I am exhausted. It feels better getting that all out. my work schedule/duties will be changing soon, which I am looking forward to. It will be less intense, I will have weekends off as well as holidays...plus a safer environment for my pregnancy. All and all a good thing.
Ok, back to work. I am so tired!!
