Fear

So, we told the world. Pretty much everyone knows except some people at work. We've had our first ultrasound which went great. Perfect heartbeat at 105bpm, measuring right at six weeks. Due date is May 11th. We did a photo shoot and it was awesome. I'll post some of the pics.

I am now terrified of a missed miscarriage. That the baby will stop growing and the heart will stop. Though in reality, at this point the miscarriage rate is only 10% after seeing a heartbeat, and it goes down again once I hit 7 weeks, on Thursday. So...everything should statistically be fine. But, when you are pregnant after loss logical thinking goes out the window. Once I announced on Facebook, two fellow loss mamas messaged me saying they were pregnant! So exciting. We'll be able to support each other. I also have my online support community, thencomesfamily.com. Been on there since trying to get pregnant with Ana over four years ago. I thought about it the other day..I have had three pregnancies in the last four years! By the time this baby is born, I will have had three babies in a little over four years. INSANE. No wonder I am tired!

This will most likely (if everything goes well) be our last bio child. It is very difficult emotionally for me to go through pregnancy and I am not sure I could do it again. Especially if this baby is a girl. If we want more kiddos, we'll adopt. We want to adopt anyway (I'm adopted). We've already started the process to get approved through the state to adopt.

So that's whats going on now. Fear and joy, and mixed in together! I am having morning sickness (mostly at night) hunger, food aversions and cravings, mood swings, sore breasts on and off and extreme fatigue! All remind me of the miracle growing inside.

Peace & Love

Here we go again...

Hello blog, been a while.

Back in school, so far going well. Starting the third week today.

Some big news! I'm pregnant! So excited. I had gone to see my OB over the summer and she prescribed me progesterone due to short cycles. Well, it worked on the first try! My due date for right now is May 9th. I have my first ultrasound on Thursday, then seeing the nurse on Friday. First appointment with my OB on Oct 6th. So far, my sister, Dad and a few close friends/co workers know. My husband of course :) once we see everything is going well, we'll announce to the public. It should work that I can have the baby and be out the rest of the school year.

Of course being pregnant after loss is terrifying. I feel less terrified than last time, but still fear a miscarriage...or that we will go to the ultrasound and there will be nothing. Still having troublesome thoughts about my son. It was really cold this morning and he slept through the night. I first thought he was dead. It's a continuous process.

So, for now...happy and pregnant! Will keep you updated

8/29/2016