Hello journal.
I am tired. Very tired, and drained. It's been a crazy few weeks. Baby Caden is doing well, I'm 24weeks and 5 days pregnant. I wish it would go faster and we could meet him. But, really I only have 12 weeks and a few days until we meet him! Whoa! I have been feeling the urge to get things ready so I went through his clothes. Due to a donation from a friend, we have plenty of 0-3 clothes, some 3-6, and a little 6+. So, we will need some bigger stuff, and blankets. We do still need a rocker, but we have $175 in gift certificates for babies-r-us so we should be able to get one.
I miss my Mom. It's still not sunk all the way in that she is gone. I keep forgetting, it's like torture every time I remember. I keep getting the urge to text or call her, but then I remember. That probably happened ten times yesterday. It is so hard. I just want to talk to her. I know I can talk to her, but it just seems to hard right now. I do believe she can hear me, and we can have some communication but I just miss being able to call her, vent and have her make me feel better. I just want my Mom. I want her to be here for the rest of my pregnancy and to meet Caden. I know she is with us in spirit, but it's just not good enough. I'm so tired. Not only am I grieving, but being pregnant and working full time is hard. My heart doesn't feel in my work, because I'm so drained. I am tired of winter, and it just began here in Maine. I want the warm sun, flowers and grass. I'd love to be able to go for walks in nature. It will come I suppose. I wish I didn't have to work full time. I'd rather focus on self care and getting ready for baby. But, gotta do it. At least it's not for to terribly long before I go on maternity leave. Then I am thinking of switching jobs...at least location so I can be closer to my Dad and sister. I want more friends, or atleast closer friends so I can hang out with them and have a social life. I have friends here but I barely see them. So I hope one day to have that back, and have a wider support network. I know all these things will come, but it's hard sitting here in the cold darkness of winter.
So..that's where I am at. Tired, ready for happiness and warmth and spring. New life and new hope. It's coming, right around the corner I just wish I could rest and sleep until it was here!
