Thoughts

     Hello. So, have been thinking of a few things I wanted to write about. I think I'll start with our support group, Empty Arms.

     We were given pamphlets when we found out Ana died, and when we delivered her. The pamphlets talked about a group the hospital sponsored support group called Empty Arms. It's a support group for grieving parents who suffered misscarriage/pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss. We went to our first group I believe 3 weeks after our daughter was born. It was difficult, but really nice to meet people who had gone through similiar situations.
     What I also like about it is that there are various types of loss and stories. We are all grieving, but the circumstances are unique. We've met two others with a full term loss, one unexplained (like ours) and one due to a cord accident. There are numerous ladies who had early miscarriages. A few lost their babies in the second trimester, due to incompetent cervix or illness. One lost twins. One lost 2 daughters back to back for unknown reasons. A few have since adopted children. Some have infertility issues and used IVF to conceive another child. Some have had to make the terrible decision to terminate their pregnancy because of a fatal defect/genetic disorder. They are an amazing group of people who have truly helped me stay sane. They get it. They understand that intense, barely tolerable pain that only a person who has lost a child can understand. This has helped me and my husband tremendiously. We meet once a month for a formal group, and then every other month or so have an informal dinner gathering. We also do special events for Mother's day, and international baby loss day (Oct. 15th). I'm so happy we found them. I can ask questions that others might raise their eyebrows at. I can ask "is this normal?" or "did you experience this?" there is a multitude of experiences with family's reactions, reactions from co-workers and professionals. It helps to hear that others have struggled walking the path of a loss Mom/Dad.
      The world doesn't understand us. People hush when we walk by because they don't want to "bring it up" or make us cry. That hurts me the most. TALK ABOUT IT! Say my baby's name. I love to talk about her. I won't get to watch her grow up, so as often as I can talk about my beautiful angel the happier I am. Yes, I am sad. I am experincing heart wrenching, can't breathe, overwhelmed and shattering pain. I am never not grieving. It's ok to talk to me about it.
     Ok, off my soap box. I just have a hard time when people don't talk about the elphant in the room. It took my boss a month to aknowledge my loss once I returned to work. Numerous co-workers haven't yet. It's been 4 months.

Missing my angel each and every day....