Anxiety

Hello.
I'm so anxious. Today I am 5 weeks 5 days pregnant. I feel like...this is all fake, and I'm not really pregnant. I'm worried about everything. I had betas done last week, and my doctor said they looked "terrific". That made me feel better, and at ease for a few days. I have an early ultrasound on Monday. I will be six weeks, 1 day. I know not to expect a heartbeat. I wish I was a few days ahead, then I might see a heartbeat. I am so anxious about it...if I don't see a heartbeat (which would be totally normal) I will be anxious until I do. I will worry that the baby isn't developing. I wish I could just fast forward time. I almost wish I didn't know so many people (online) who have had multiple miscarriages. It probably wouldn't be such a big worry if I didn't know so many. I feel like once I see the heartbeat, I am "really" pregnant. Then I feel like I can tell more people. So far, both sets of parents know, my sister, Ana's (and this baby's) Godmom, my other friend, my best friend and her husband, two people at work and my two supervisors. So...I guess that's a lot! Haha. I had to tell my supervisors because of the ultrasound on Monday. They both said they knew it! They had noticed I was giddy and more upbeat. I want everyone to know. I want this pregnancy to be real. I want it to feel real. Ugh...so many emotions! It's really odd...being pregnant, but not feeling fully pregnant. I wish I could fast forward time. I want to see my OB. I probably won't see her for a bit longer...the ultrasound is at the radiology department. They probably have better equipment there. I'm hoping if we don't see a heartbeat she will let me come in for another early ultrasound in a week or so to ensure the baby is growing. So much anxiety!! It would be so much easier if there was just a heartbeat on Monday! Blah.

Ok, enough whining for now.