Summer!

Hello blog

I am on summer vacation. It is very strange, having worked every summer since I was 15. I think this summer will be very theraputic. I will have time to refocus on what is important, family and health. I will be able to exercise, read, write. Time for myself. We got the pool open, and I am finding it theraputic to work on it. It's a fair amount of work but once it is clean it will be very nice.

So, we've been trying for another baby for four months now. Just got my period yesterday. I am having odd cycles, short luteal phase (phase after ovulation before period, when egg is fertilized and implants). This means my body is triggering menstruation before it should, thus not giving a potential fertilized egg time to implant. Obviously, this is a problem. I have learned a lot since starting trying to conceive Ana four years ago. Actually, I got pregnant with Ana four years ago this week. If I had gotten pregnant this month, my due date would have been Ana's fourth birthday. So, getting my period was more difficult this month. Next cycle would be Caden's birthday as my due date...another March baby.

So a few weeks ago I went to my primary care doc, because she is awesome and her treatment helped me get pregnant with Caden. Back then my issue was ovulation and too long of cycles (go figure). She also used to be a midwife. When I explained that my luteal phase was short, she looked confused and said luteal phase is ALWAYS 14 days. (Um, no). I explained that I knew when I ovulated, based on tests and other symptoms. She again said no, you ovulate around day 14. Again, not everyone does. I have always ovulated on or around day 21 of my cycle. I have been charting my cycles for four years. I know myself pretty well. Needless her advice was "just have sex on day 12, 14 and 16 and you'll get pregnant". Thanks for nothing. She then looked at Caden and said "you sure you want another?". Well, she's the one who asked about us trying again months ago!

Why do people think it is ok to ask a woman about her reproduction? Some women have trouble trying to get pregnant, others can't and then some women don't want children. It is none of their damn business. We all have dreams of what we want for a family...no one envisions losing a child, not being able to concieve. I wanted three kids. Originally 2 boys and a girl. Then, when I met Toby it switched to two girls and a boy...I even had names picked out by the time we were married. Anastasia, Caden and Willow. I've been right about the first two...pretty sure I have another daughter out there meant to be with us. I have then seen us adopting a fourth child. We'll see. I just want to be "done".Have all my children here with me, though that will never be possible without Ana. I do however want to put pregnancy and birth behind me.

Ok, off to a therapy appointment...