I'm sitting in my office, hiding from the co worker who just came back from maternity leave. I've switched jobs (but not agencies) so she doesn't know me. I spoke with my supervisor a few weeks ago and she said she would talk with this person before she came back to let her know about Ana. Well, apparently she didn't. She came in this morning talking about pumping, her pregnancy and signing to her baby. Really? When I see my supervisor tomorrow it will be hard when she asks how it went today because I might break down. Would it have been so hard to tell her? Why do I have to go through torture on top of my grief? Sometimes I just get so frustrated. I feel like hiding today. And I am, kind of. I should probably talk to her and tell her my story but I just don't feel like it. I told some co workers yesterday. I'm just tired. I don't want to make her upset either, but really I don't need the reminders of what I don't have. I had a lot of feelings today such as "she gets to have her baby" why not me? Makes me angry.
In other news, we're trying to conceive and I'm frustrated. I have long cycles and haven't regulated since giving birth. I'm not sure I've even ovulated since having Ana. I've had two periods (in 4 months). I had a positive ovulation test a few days ago but still didn't ovulate. I chart my temperatures so I know if/when I ovulate. It's just so, so annoying and frustrating. It didn't take much effort to get pregnant with Ana. I feel ready now. I wasn't before, and I can see that now. But, I am ready now so I want it to happen.
Ok, that's all from me for now.
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