Fourth

Happy fourth birthday to my angel. I cannot believe it has been that long. Feels like yesterday, and a life time ago all at the same time. I'm kind of numb this year...trying not to think about it. I'm at work, trying to get out early so I can be with my husband and son. I bought stuff to make cupcakes and will be doing a butterfly design on them. I'll post pics if I remember! Having some computer issues.

Ana's little sister (Willow) is doing well. I am now 30 weeks pregnant. We are very busy. Weekly ultrasounds and bi weekly OB appointments, soon to be bumped up to 2 ultrasounds a week and weekly OB apts. It is all worth it. This time I have gestational diabetes that requires insulin. That has been difficult emotionally to not feel guilt, though I know I couldn't control it. I've been grumpy and snappy...less tolerable of people. Especially doctors, who are not sensitive or don't know about Ana. I just don't want to talk about "is this your first?" "oh a girl, perfect a boy and girl!" "in that pregnancy" ugh. Just shut up, really. I wish I had all my babies together. They should be all together...the three of them. The three of them I have seen in my head since 2010 or so when I started envisioning my family. Ana, Caden and Willow. It's so difficult. We've also been in the process to adopt. This will be my last pregnancy, I just can't handle another one emotionally. If we want more kids, we will adopt in a couple years. I am adopted and have always wanted to adopt.


I think that is all I can manage right now. I wish I could crawl in bed and sleep.